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UmbrellaMuffin
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UmbrellaMuffin's News

Posted by UmbrellaMuffin - December 23rd, 2023


“If you pay close attention during nightfall, you might spot a man with a cat on his shoulder trudging through the snowy streets, the rattling of bones and dry knocking signaling his arrival. If you’re lucky, you might even see the cat’s bright yellow eyes, glowing green in the dark and creating a tall, ghostly silhouette. And if you're unlucky, a harrowing cry will reveal that the monster has seen you, and if it ever catches you... So, if you stay outside past the curfew, the shadow man will feed you to his cat, and you’ll end up as nothing but bones in the snow!”


This was the most famous old wives’ tale in the village. Grandfathers and single mothers alike, they would share this story to their kids, their grandkids, their younger siblings, even their pets. The mayor had suggested a curfew on the younger citizens after several sightings of wild animals. At first, it was a wave of harmless critters emerging from the nearby woods. However, as time went on, larger and more dangerous creatures started stalking the village outskirts. With the kids being at risk, the villagers decided to self-impose this curfew until the danger had passed.


Even still, the tale of the shadow man scared the children more than any real beast, to the point they would claim they could escape from a bear, but not from him. Some were even bold enough to attempt to prove themselves, only to be caught and reprimanded by their guardians.


Following an afternoon of foraging for dry branches, the man reached the bridge to the village. On his shoulder covered by his heavy coat rested his cat, the black fur on its back coated with snow. After pulling out a couple of acorns, he picked two and tossed them below the bridge, to pay the toll. He was a superstitious person, to the point he did everything he could, no matter how ridiculous, to make up for the fact that he had a black cat as a pet. He would knock on a piece of wood before feeding it. He would drop a penny in a special spot near the woods and pick it back up every morning. He would cross his fingers before building his campfires. He fashioned a horseshoe out of deer bones, and since he didn’t have a door to put it over, he would wear it as a necklace. And of course, he always carried a rabbit’s foot.


His nights consisted of trekking through the village, looking for something he didn’t have to kill to eat. The cat would lead him to the trash bins with leftovers and they would share any loot they found. Whenever he would rummage through the garbage, some naughty kids would peek at him through the windows and wish him away. Some would attempt to throw a blunt object at him, but the cat’s nightmarish gaze would stop them in their tracks, and the legend would reignite fear in their young hearts and send them back under their bedsheets.


Once dinner was over, the man would scout the village outskirts for wildlife. He knew they’d been getting closer, and being the man he was, he thought it all his fault. Whether it was his daily hunting in the woods or his racket at midnight, he suspected the bigger beasts were looking for the food he was taking from them. After making his rounds near the fences, he would sit below the bridge near the frozen water, cross his fingers, build a campfire, knock on wood, and rid his cat of the snow on its fur.


That night was particularly cold. While staring into the fire, reminiscing about the life he had led up to that point, the cat snuggled inside his coat and purred onto his chest. He felt warm again, and a single tear fell toward a faint smile as he fell asleep.


He woke up to the chilling sounds of hissing. In a panic, he stood up and hit his head on the stone bricks of the underside of the bridge, leaving him lightheaded for a second. After recovering his senses, he spotted the cat near the bonfire, the fur on its back puffing straight upward as it glared and hissed at something.


On the other side of the frozen stream, standing tall, its sight fixated on them, was a large gray wolf. The man quickly grabbed a lit branch and waved it around, shouting and extending his arms. The beast moved its body to the side and pretended to ignore him for a moment, then scurried away disappearing into the trees.


Having calmed down, he grabbed his rabbit’s foot, and instructed the cat to sit on his shoulder again. It was dawn. He thanked the sun for saving him, kissed his bone horseshoe and picked up his penny. A wolf was bad news. He knew it would come back eventually, not on its own. He had to warn the villagers.


The men and women who’d wake up at sunrise witnessed him walk to the fountain in the marketplace and start babbling about a beast, a devil, ready to return with an army of demons to devour their loved ones, to tear them until they were nothing but bones in the snow. They ignored him. They covered their children’s ears as they strutted by. Some teenagers threw snowballs at him. Finally, a guard decided to walk up to the man and kindly ask him to leave. He tried to get him to listen, but the guard dismissed his mumbled words. He said the curfew was good enough, and the citizens were safe. He offered him a piece of bread and requested he left.


That day’s hunt was unsuccessful. He could only find squirrel bones and rotten corpses. Bad sign. He tightly grasped his rabbit’s foot and returned to the village.


By that time, the kids had left the school and were playing around. Their parents would yell at them if they strayed too far, and yell even louder when the man was close by. However, there was one kid that, without the supervision or permission of her guardian, who was busy, had come out to play. Instead of making snowballs, running with the other children or singing Christmas carols with the nuns, she would follow the man and his pet.


Picking up his pace, he searched through the garbage cans quickly, as to avoid the girl. It was no use searching deeper anyway, as the bins were mostly empty, and the cat refused to get off its owner’s shoulder. Eventually he reached the outskirts, and the kid was still tracing him. He turned around and yelled at her, which only startled her momentarily, making her cover her face with her mittens. 


With a gesture, she moved her thick oversized scarf aside and pointed at a location. The man turned around and saw one of the wooden cabins spread over the village’s edges. Without him noticing, the girl walked right past him and entered through the front door.


The ordeal left him disappointed in himself for scaring a child and getting in her way. He was just about to leave for the bridge when the cat jumped off his shoulder and ran towards the cabin. Shouting at it to come back, the man stumbled through the snowy path and followed it. Before he could catch up to it, the door opened once more.


The cat was sitting on the porch, staring at her. Confused, the man squinted to see better, and witnessed the girl feeding him a piece of chicken. She then gestured him to go to her, and while his judgement told him to stay away, his gut was begging for sustenance. Crossing his fingers, he continued forward.


As soon as he got closer, he reprimanded the girl for letting a black cat get near her. He lectured her on good luck charms and implored her to knock on the door. The girl quietly responded by slowly tapping the planks below the Christmas wreath. Then she extended her other hand, in which rested a plate of chicken being offered to the man.


Trembling, he gladly obliged and slowly savored the meal, tears running down his face. The kid handed him the entire plate and told him to eat it all. Once he was done, she showed him a wishbone.


The man, giggling with excitement, grabbed one end, overjoyed. This joy didn’t last long. He felt a deafening crack whiz past his head and into one of the cabin’s logs, sending out splinters everywhere.


The little girl sprinted away from the cabin, shouting something, but the man could only hear a loud ringing. His eyesight blurry, he tumbled to the side but managed to maintain balance. The ringing faded, the blurriness dissipated, and he saw the girl next to a tall man holding a rifle. He couldn’t hear what he was saying, but he knew his intentions. So, he knocked on the porch floor, the cat hopped on his shoulder, and they silently trudged away into the woods.


That night, everyone in the village was celebrating something. He remembered times when he used to celebrate with his peers. He recalled the mirror breaking. He smelled the blood again. The man and is cat were under the bridge, wet and cold. He couldn’t find any dry branches. He forgot to pay the acorn toll. He didn’t cross his fingers before building the bonfire. He forgot to knock on wood before his cat snuggled inside his coat. He had dropped his penny and his rabbit’s foot. He was too scared to go near the people, lest they shot him again, lest they shunned him again.


He didn’t know he had fallen asleep. All he knew was that he was surrounded. His cat wasn’t growling or hissing, only whimpering. To their left, a wolf. To their right, another one. Before them, the one they met before. And they were all showing their fangs.


The man tried to plan a way to somehow let his cat escape. He knew it wasn’t possible. He imagined himself throwing the bone horseshoe away, maybe distract one of them, and then wrap the cat in his coat and toss him as far as possible. He knew he would take too long to get out, and the other wolves would jump on him quickly.


Hugging his chest, feeling the purrs of his companion, hearing the mirror breaking, smelling the blood, he stood up. Fear, determination, both at once. He breathed in.


He grabbed his bone necklace and broke it in half. The snapping sound put the wolves on high alert. The one on his right pounced directly at him and bit into his arm. With a painful yell, he stabbed the beast near the eye several times, loosening its grip.


Taking off the coat still in the wolf’s jaws, running as fast as he could, his other arm firmly holding his cat, he attempted to escape. While the first was dealing with its injuries, the rest chased them. He ran toward the village, not a single soul in sight. He figured he could throw his cat toward the houses, and it would climb to safety in the roofs. Imagining the wishbone, imagining he had won, this was all he wished for.


He stared at his cat while running, and it stared at him. It jumped on his shoulders and looked straight ahead, its bright yellow eyes glowing green in the dark.


The man tripped and landed face-first on the freezing floor sheeted in snow. One of the wolves got to his boot, its fangs buried deep in it. The momentum made the cat fly forwards, landing near a wooden fence. The remaining wolf went after it. But the cat didn’t run off. It turned around, its fur stood straight up, and a hiss turned into a growl. 


The man watched, crying in pain and sorrow, as the wolf pounced on his companion. He saw the mirror break. He smelled the blood again. He closed his eyes. Then, he heard a deafening crack whiz past his head.


When he woke up, he couldn’t stop crying. But not from the pain in his arm, not from the pain in his foot, but from the pain of being alive, not being able to move, not being able to know if the cat had escaped.


Eventually, a shadow cast over him. It was that of the tall man with the rifle, flaunting a boot with a wolf’s fang stuck on it, urging him to get up. With his help, he managed to sit up and with his blurry vision he spotted the inside of a cabin and a little girl with a big scarf, hugging a black cat with bright yellow eyes.


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Posted by UmbrellaMuffin - October 10th, 2023


Scratching his beard, riddled with sand, the old man picked up his bags and headed north. He had been treading through the dunes of the desert for several hours. His canteen was getting emptier, the sun was getting hotter, his skin was getting redder. His safari hat didn't stand a chance against the heat, though what little protection it offered was very much welcome, and the shade it provided helped him examine his compass.


From the map he had studied, he knew traveling north would be his best bet, as it would lead him to the Siwa Lake where he would most likely find people who could aid him. He was a determined man, and this small ray of hope was enough for him to keep going. However, his boots grew heavier with each step, his shirt burned his chest and his sweat seemed like it was boiling his arms.


Dune after dune he kept climbing, sometimes wishing they would be tall enough to cast a shadow, yet the sun attacked him from every direction. He saw countless mirages during his journey, though he ignored every one of them- he had but one goal: go north. The wind pushed him towards his destination, but it started getting stronger, signaling a sandstorm.


He opened the bag he used to carry several tools, and dropped all of them. The weight wasn't going to help. At the bottom of it was a large folded piece of cloth, which he tied to his hat around his head and back, and held with both arms.


The storm hit him. Fortunately it was a small one, and though it severely hampered his ability to trod through the dunes, it reduced his visibility in every direction. He covered his eyes and kept walking, frequently checking the compass before his eyelashes got covered in sand. He lost balance for a moment, feeling his boot sink into the ground with a splash. Peeking through the dust cloud in front of him he noticed a tall shadow- it was a tree.


The storm faded quickly, and he had found an oasis. The old man looked down to see a small pond and recited a thankful prayer. After shaking the cloth and dusting off every part of his body, he sat back against the tree and refilled his canteen with the dirty water through a paper filter. His thirst would be quenched for the small price of whatever illness he'd have to take care of later. He saw some rags buried in the sand.


He didn't stay there for long. It was a reprieve, but only reaching the lake would grant him safety. He kept walking and walking until his sight was clouded again- there was another sandstorm. He fought through it, and yet again he spotted the shadow of a tree. At first he thought he might've walked backwards, but the scenery was different. There were a couple more trees around, one small pond for each. At the edge of these ponds he saw more buried rags and some pieces of rusted metal objects.


He kept walking. The wind returned, this time without sand. This time the wind was cold. This time the wind was wet. He looked up and saw a gray cloud that wasn't there before. The old man stopped and extended his arms to the sides, welcoming the raindrops that fell onto him. Every drop was a blessing, no matter how hard it stung when it hit his skin.


His eyes were closed, and the rain felt harder and harder. He dropped his canteen. His hat fell off his head. The cloth he was carrying got buried in the sand. His boots took root in the ground, and his body provided shade to the pond that formed in front of him.


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Posted by UmbrellaMuffin - September 29th, 2023


While nagging the dogs for barking too loud, I struggled to lock the door and headed to the boulevard around the corner.

 

In my family, I’m in charge of shopping for groceries and doing most errands. Money is tight, so we have to plan day by day, but I don’t mind. Strolling through these calm streets is oddly relaxing for me, even if I’m forced to wear heavy coats and occasionally suffocating scarves. There’s something about the icy breeze that clears my thoughts, makes me appreciate the tiny pockets of nature scattered throughout the town. I just wish I lived closer to the river. 


Winter has always been my favorite season. The region doesn’t get too cold, and though it’s a shame it never snows, seeing the gray skies has forever given me a warm feeling. That afternoon was like any other: had to head to the farmer’s market first, where they would receive me with a tired glare, then the butcher, always so kind and relaxed, then a small drugstore where the owner’s wife would joke around and laugh with me, sometimes at my expense. These places weren’t too far from each other, but every block felt like a different city. There were fancy homes in one, the entrance to the slums in the other, an avenue permanently blocked by traffic, a depressing row of derelict houses. 


Normally, going through the more dangerous parts of the neighborhood sharpened my senses, exacerbated my anxiety and moved my eyes and ears away from any sort of unplanned social interaction. Yet this time my head was leveled, sight was set forward, steps were firm and confident, a tune was playing in my mind louder than usual and the muted colors of the scenery seemed radiant as they changed to accompany the melody. 


I decided to head through an alleyway, maybe there was a chance I'd see a cat- a rare sight especially in winter, or maybe I'd get to sing some cheesy lyrics out loud. As I took a few steps into it, the sound of cars zooming nearby faded away, and only the whistling of the wind swaying the dead trees was left. The thump of my shoes stomping the ground changed to thunder-like roars, stopping me in my tracks. I attempted to clear my head by shaking it rapidly and continued my stroll on the sidewalk. 


Must have something in my ear, I thought. I blew my nose into my handkerchief expecting to clear my hearing to no avail. The whistling grew louder, to the point it drowned out everything but itself. I found myself stumbling in dizziness for a moment, my sight blurry, my limbs numb, yet I was still moving forward, as if the world was sliding beneath my feet. 


“Is this guy alright?” echoed near me. To the best of my abilities, I turned around to search for whoever had said that. After finding no trace of anyone in the area, I forced myself to stop and take a breather. A few seconds of deep breathing restored my eyesight, though the numbness of my arms and legs turned into discomfort and for that I sat on the sidewalk with my back against the brick wall of one of the houses. 


“Ugh, another homeless one?” said the voice again. This time I could pinpoint its origin: I looked up and saw a stubby green parakeet sitting on the porch’s lamp. It seemed neglected, or at the very least quite old, with ruffled feathers and a discolored beak. The fact that it was outside struck me as odd- usually these birds were kept in cages as pets with very little freedom. It was a bit refreshing to see one enjoying some fresh air, though I couldn’t help but feel worried about its well-being. 


“Well, that’s just rude,” I replied jokingly and sighed. I had to get up eventually, lest a neighbor opened the door and started yelling at me. Nevertheless, I spent some time to rest and make sure I wouldn’t fall to the ground as soon as my legs started moving. 


I glanced at the parakeet once more and started wondering if it was right for it to be in the open, thinking it might be a lost pet. With an awkward grunt I stood up, shook my head like a wet dog and turned around to knock on the door. 


“Ooh, he’s got bony knuckles!” said the parakeet. 


I started to take note of how clear its voice was. It wasn’t normal for a bird like this to parrot so effectively, one would usually notice a few off-tone squawks. Besides, what was that phrase he’d just blurted out? After counting to ten, I knocked on the door again. 


“Hey wise guy, the doorbell works!” At this point I was chuckling, stunned by the bird’s mimicking skills, recalling my father’s stories about other parakeets spouting all kinds of comedic phrases. 


“You dropped your purse, buddy!” it said. I scanned the ground and there was my shopping bag laying on the sidewalk- I must have let go of it while I was stumbling. Raising an eyebrow, I stared at the feathered critter.

 

“Are you talking to me?” I asked. The bird moved its head to the side and waited a few seconds before replying: 


“Are you talking to me!” 


“Hello?” I mumbled. 


“Hello, hello!” it repeated. 


For a moment I marveled at my own stupidity, believing the parakeet and I were chatting. I pressed my hand on the top of my head as if it would fix something inside. Once my bag was recovered and I made sure no one was there to laugh at the situation, I steadily sauntered away from that house. 


Just as I had predicted, a few paces later I tripped over a loose tile but managed to save my face from the concrete by grabbing the metal fence of the next house. 


“Oh no, get your hands off me! Why isn’t the alarm ringing?” The parakeet was now sitting on the branch of a tree close ahead, mocking me with curious head movements. This time, its voice sounded different- like a snobby old woman. I examined the fence and the house behind it, an elegant and bright Victorian-styled front obscured by the dark metal bars, with a quaint garden covered in colorful flowers. 


“Sorry!” I stuttered as I moved my fingers away. 


“The nerve of some people!” whimpered the parakeet in response. 


I froze. I knew I was a daydreamer, though never to this extent. I checked every part of my head to make sure it wasn’t bleeding. Deciding to ignore what just had happened, my legs moved forward again, while my eyesight was fixed on the bird. Naturally, I almost tripped, and when I turned back to peer at the parakeet once more, it was gone. 


“The government never fixes these streets” an aggressive low tone grunted. There it was again, this time picking at some leaves in a bush inside a different house. This one had an extensive front garden, though completely different to the previous one, as it was plagued by weeds and vines. The building itself was most certainly abandoned, with chunks of it missing, cracks on the wall, boarded up windows and glass all over the panes. 


Paid no mind. Just kept walking away from it. I crossed the narrow street, but no sooner I stepped on the other sidewalk than I heard another voice. 


“Aye, buddy! Have ya been drinkin’?” snickered a male voice with a rough accent. The parakeet was drinking water from a dripping faucet close to the ground, on the wall of a long hallway cluttered with cinderblocks, scattered sand and broken bottles of beer. 


I strutted past it. 


“Oh, don't listen to him, honey!” The parakeet was perched on the roof tiles of a house that mimicked a tiny cottage, almost cartoony compared to the rest of the block. Equally ridiculous was its voice now, that of a lovely old lady, stumbling her words. 


I stood still for a moment. Surely someone was playing a prank on me, I thought. Most of the panic went away, and I started studying the buildings surrounding me. Their colors became vibrant and beautiful, and they were showing me paintings of scenes in the past. The textures on the walls were telling stories of people in the neighborhood. The smell of the flowers and even the bushes and vines filled the air with pleasant memories. The parakeet sang a chorus of old folk tunes. 


The dizziness returned. The eyes were blurry again. The limbs were number than before. All I could see was the parakeet flying away. 


I reached the intersection of a familiar road. My destinations were close by. As if nothing had happened, I did my shopping and returned home. The dogs welcomed me with high jumps and loud barks. One of them stopped to sniff my leg longer than usual. When they calmed down, I sat on the couch utterly exhausted, and checked my shopping bag. 


With a snicker, I stood back up and went out once again. I forgot to buy eggs. 


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